RESOLUTION 2012

Have i talked about my resolution? The one where I am learning selfishness this year? Let me start from the beginning then. I hate feeling inadequate and so I try to not ever be and I did this by observing great people (will not name names as my understanding of great may differ from yours!). Anyway, so I have tried very hard to become a person whose walk matches their talk. Not sure if am succeeding but I like me, which is really all that truly matters and in all this though, I have one issue and by that I mean BIG ISSUE. I feel things too acutely, there are never like midpoints with me, I go from zero to a thousand percent in 10 seconds, If I care about something and that can be pretty intense sometimes (retrospection sometimes burns my eyes!). Anyway, so, here I am in 2011 with a great year during which I get a makeover, the likes of which I never prayed or wished for and I had to stop, evaluate, re-assess and re-caliberate how quickly I had to re-evaluate my life and I came to one conclusion, I am too unselfish! And thus began my quest to learn selfishness! And of course, the first thing to do was set myself up so I would not back down and so I resolved (uncharacteristically!) to become unfeeling and less caring! To learn selfishness! Only problem is, I think I may be a good student. So I am quickly revising this to be my selfish 'gap year'. Selfishness is great, I can tell you!It may mess up your relationships and make the people who love you become your haters but the acid in your belly when you lie back and try to sleep at night must be worth something!In the  relatively few days since I started taking these self-taught classes, I have lost weight (eat your heart out weight watchers!) and my appetite is in danger of disappearing totally and I still have 11months and 3weeks to go! I also am finding it easier to just delete people like no man's business (good morning!?......de...lete! What's good about mornings?!) I think I may get used to this in actual fact even though I may end up being alone, lonely and seriously incapacitated by stomach acid, I will be a ....(does better sound right?) person and that's all that really matters, no? So why did I get up at 5am to do this post then? Who knows? Might be I am finding out that resolutions are not all they are cracked up to be or I am just not passing this course, plus, I used to like me and all this is the antithesis of who 'me' is. I am sticking with this though, let no-one attempt to dissuade me as this path (of destruction?) is mine to choose and I am sticking with it. The other option just does not work for me anymore and I dont want to keep doing things the same way as I will keep getting the same results, so.....just dont ask for my half-year report, else I may show you the end of my fist,generously and unselfishly!