How are you today?
I ask because it’s been 26minutes and 32seconds since I last heard from you.
Are you okay?
I think something must be badly wrong if you can survive that long without getting in touch with me. Is everything alright? I need to know. Is your lung picking up air okay? And your heart is still pumping blood?
I try not to be too demanding but you do know I have done this love thing before and it didn’t work out the first time?
So this Love 2.0 must work oh!
And my requirements are really very simple.
You may be forgiven for thinking heavy breathing preceding ‘I love you’ is part of what I need from you but no, it aint!
Been there, done that and all that!
This girl wants and needs to be taken care of ni.
No, not in that funny manner that some men have of being coy about what it means to take care of a woman. I mean, full blown, 'Baby, what do you need? Here is some money to take care of whatever (hands over 500k) for the weekend type of way ni….'
And please miss me with that entire independent woman scene.
'I don’t want to offend by offering money'.....please offend me! I am here for that! All that was relevant to me a whole other lifetime ago, now, its important to take care of me!
My womanity needs the pampering to be okay, so pile it on.
My baby-girlness needs a getaway, preferably to the Maldives but any African getaway will do for starters.
A few days away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life where we can just stare into each other’s eyes and sigh (still, no heavy breathing!) and exchange I love yous and intense kisses.
I am okay with gifts. For every reason and no reason.
They work, gadgets (I love them!), perfumes, books, items of clothing and jewelry, even food, preferably fed to me by you followed by loving kisses.
Did I mention huge sums of cash also count as gifts? Oh I did?
I don't want to be stressed by asking you for stuff. That's tedious please!
I should not have to ask for those things I want cos you should want to give me them.
A brand new car, my rent, a trip to get some R & R…..all these things make your love more lovely.
Once I sigh, you should stop breathing for a bit, it shows me you care.
And never commit the mortal sin of not noticing I am broke. Once two sighs follow each other, when you call to talk to me, send me money!
There are some very special days to make grand gestures, Christmas, Easter, my birthday, Valentine's Day, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and twice on Sunday!
All of those days work and can become special given the right gift.
I am sure by now, you are wondering what you get in return, abi?
Permit me to brag on myself for a half minute.
Er, on second thoughts, no! For your protection and peace of mind, there will be no stating what the lover gets in return today.
Maybe in another blogpost?
But all I know is this, sweetheart, I should not have to ask you for pampering. If I do, its tedious and late already! Step up or step away!