Love of a kind.

 Been meaning to write but also was very distracted, cos I wanted to write about love but pretty much every time I attempt to do that, I am misunderstood maybe cos folks think that is all I think about but it ain’t (sorry to disappoint some of y’all). So, I wanted to write about love that I found….cue, I found a love, for me, darling just dive right in, follow my lead…words to that lovely song Perfect by Ed Sheeran.

So, this love, it is nothing like y’all think. But it is everything you think. I am truly trying to say this right. 

This child, she can be such a joy and sometimes, I want to smack her upside her head but I found that she was the perfect person to teach me about this love. She will usually call me when she feels she has something to get off her chest and anyone who has spent any length of time with me has heard me say, hold on…., as our conversations can last hours sometimes but I am getting ahead of myself. 

I remember the very early days, I was just very grateful for her for her spouse. He needed her and I knew that and a form of love was extending her acceptance for it was the right thing to do. Then I entered a storm and one of the earliest memories I have is her calling me up one day a week unfailingly. She did not spend long, just asked me how I was doing and said she was just checking in with me. It served as guidance for me in several ways and I remember once when she didn’t call and I woke up thinking, so what will I do with myself today now? I did not realize how much direction she provided me by checking in. 

Our relationship evolved slowly but surely cos she just carried on like I was normal and so I reached for normal. Sometimes, I would moan about how her wahala was too much but when she let me be, I receded into my mental recesses as I was wont to do. Several parties I attended were cos of her and her shan’t gree attitude. I have made jokes about how my social life would be non-existent but for her. She plans eating out (which I love!), going to the movies (which I absolutely love!) and even just hang outs as if I have a doctor’s appointments. Left to me, I’d work and go to movie theatres alone once in a while. She even buys movies on cds and makes me watch so we can talk about them. One of the things that truly cracks me up she does is watch something and then call me to convince me to watch so we can talk about it. It truly is endearing and funny to me at the same time. 

We don’t always agree but we are never disagreeable. We are alike in several ways and even finish each other’s sentences sometimes. It is no longer shocking cos we have been friends long enough that we have similar values. 

I wanted to write this down cos I am sometimes very emotional about friendships and relationships that some people think some things I want are asking for too much or makes me too hard. I have found her always kind. I am not the most patient person and sometimes, I overvalue my solitude but I have learnt to communicate this in the kindest of ways. Sometimes, the stuff I am dealing with has to do with no one but me and those closest to me know to give me room but when people are in my space and judge my non-engagement in light of what they want from me alone, and then speak unkindly, I find that hard to forgive. But, I digress….

This Madam has shown me that with love, you take all, warts and all. There are days we talk and my very introspective self wants nothing but to close my eyes and just be but she draws me out and soon I am yapping as much as she is. And some days, I am monosyllabic and I wonder if she does not notice but I have learnt she does. She gladdens my heart in ways I cannot even put into words. For someone who feels things as acutely as I do and appears to have it together even when I don’t. I am grateful for this person who is such a safe space for me.  I have been wanting to write about this awesome person but putting it off but I am again reminded about how life has no warning signals and things just happen and so I am doing this to heal from something I am struggling with. 

Love is…… anything you feel it is for you and communicating that may be hard but remember to enjoy the bits you can and to always be kind. I am grateful for this person who accepts and loves me in ways I can never finish talking about.

I just remembered the period of the first strike/covid lockdown, she would bring me food, always something she made and felt I should taste. Because food is something I can easily live without, I had to make an effort to eat and give feedback. For those wondering why I am so bulky if I don’t eat, I do, it’s just that I would rather eat snacks than proper food. Biscuits, chocolates and variety of random non- food things are the things I struggle to control my intake of. 

I am very grateful for memories made with this my human. They are varied but one stands out, we had gone to swim with the kids in the early days of Agodi Gardens pool and some crazy woman showed up and was smoking shisha. Even the recollection has me laughing already. We took exception and tried to get the management to stop and ask this woman to leave. Take note that in scenarios like this, I am usually the most outspoken and everyone tries to get me to calm down but Madam became a bolt of thunder and let rip! I was shocked into silence and it was like having an out of body experience as she raked and kept up a tirade. I was so shocked, my mouth kept opening and no sounds came out. I was like, Ha! 

I am writing this today because it is the American Thanksgiving and I find November an easy month for thanksgiving for the year and she has a birthday coming up. I want to have people know how thankful I am for this child. Like everyone, she is a work in progress for which (or is that whom?) I am very thankful. I am assured of her love enough to not be afraid to share some of my more unconventional thoughts with her. I have learnt (the hard way) that some humans do not deserve your trust or confidence but some do. 

We all need some people in our corner and they may come in packages that we are unfamiliar with but when we are open, we find love like we never expected. But love requires nurture and one of the most important ingredients is kindness. In remembering that this person may have a whole other understanding of things than you do but if they make an effort, there will be benefit there. Harsh words are truly unnecessary where love lives. And context means different things to different people. Also, remember the hard roads people have walked before you make conclusions about their actions or insecurities.

I am grateful that in spite of all, I keep finding love. I keep being lucky. And I am one of the most cynical humans but wrapped up in that is an eye that constantly looks to find the special in humanity and I am always surprised when I do! 

Have a fantastic birthday, you!