GIRLFRIENDS

Sorry to disappoint, this isnt what you think its about.Yes, I live in your head, know your thoughts and will plant one to make you send me all your money and say, Thank you to me for accepting it! Nah! Just messing with you!
I wanted to ask how many women have girlfriends?

I know the general trend (probably perpetuated by a mean man) is that girls hate each other and would be willing to stab each other at each and every opportunity they get or can create. I, however have found this not to be so. I know I would like to believe I am unique and different from most people (I am, but that's not what this is about!) but I have a different take on why that particular rumor has been very effective until me and my posse of girls came on the scene. 

See, those our fathers, they needed to be able to control the direction of thoughts of our mothers and to be able to do this, they had to ensure that she never got contrary information to that which she was being fed. Ask Adam what happens when you leave a woman to get information by herself! So they got together one night over palmwine and checkers and plotted to disinform their wives and thus it began that Baba Kunle would tell Mama Kunle that Iya Risika told Baba Risika that Mama Kunle is full of it, the way she talks sometimes as if she is the only one who knows how to cook bean soup or some such inconsequential thing and it would happen that the devil (or some other fancy named person) would ensure that when Mama Kunle passed by Iya Risika's house, she would (God bless her innocent soul) ask if Iya Risika wanted to try some of the bean soup that she made yesterday and Iya Risika would have to refuse (in chilly tones) that she also just made fresh bean soup and so Baba Kunle was assured that whatever Mama Kunle told Iya Risika would never be believed. Simple beautiful strategy and it worked! That is until some funny fuddy-duddy girl who believed in human kindness and goodness showed up on the scene. 

For the purpose of this story let's call her Nike (duh!). She marries and refuses to remain in traditional women's roles. She does not want to learn to sell garri like Iya Risika or be a fish seller like Mama Kunle, she chooses to learn how to make gowns that make all the womens' body parts stick out and make the men begin to wonder why all the men at the checkers grow silent when the women wearing these (sinful) dresses go past and why furtive rearrangements of 'agbadas' usually ensue thereafter. 

Anyway, here she was, uncontrollable and unrestrainable and very pleasant. Her husband was also a fearless hunter who had a fierce temper and was a gentleman as long as you did not say anything about his wife who he was clearly crazy about, he had been known to lose control only once before when Emma, the palmwine tapper, while on the tree had sniggered  as he passed, walking behind Nike as they returned to town on the village path and he'd stopped to ask if all was well. At which, Emma ( in his usual half drunk jocular manner) had said he would be better if Nike would wait till he came down. Those who witnessed the scene said it was Nike's timely intervention (which consisted of her hugging him tightly and screaming for Emma to run for his dear life that had saved his life (hehehehehe.....wish I had been there).

Anyway (stick to the plot Madam!) so she came in and makes it near impossible for these our fathers to continue to spread disaffection between the women and so the women band together, they share their dreams, they share their problems, they hold each other up and encourage each other and begin to shine in each of their endeavours and become accomplished and so feel better and attempt even greater things. Of cos, this creates panic among the men (though not all of them). 

Baba Kunle is sure the women must be stopped before they start getting ideas and destroy the easy calm of relating as subjects to their kings. Baba Risika demurs and says he likes the fact that trucks are bringing bags of gari for Iya Risika to distribute to other gari-selling women in the markets all around the village. He has an increasing stature when he enters the palmwine stall as the wife of the biggest gari seller in the area or as far as the twice weekly truck that brings the bags are concerned, he kinda likes it. 

Oh come on, Nike! Get real! No such conspiracy exists and you need to give your overactive imagination a rest! This started out with me wanting to talk about my BFF and a spin came upon it and I am determined to get back on track.

Olanike (poor imitation of my awesome name but manageable), you are unbelievable sometimes. Your call (at 5am....dramatis persona!!!) was just the pep I needed for today and No! I am still not telling you. See how you ruined the good story I wanted to tell. 

I wanted to say, I love you (eewww, not that way, gurl, get your mind outta the gutter!). I do and I am grateful for your non-judgemental acceptance of who I am and how I know if I make heaven, it will be because you dragged me behind your righteous (but small) ass and made me come! Your overachieving persona saps my energy but helps to focus me. And I am still not telling and I wish you would stop guessing already! Get your beautiful bothe here and let's hang out cos I miss you too much!

BTW, I would have cleared every evidence of ANY and ALL wrongdoing from my room so that when you arrive while I am away at Pennsylvania, I advice your gist-loving, drama sniffing body to rest and not waste sleeping time sniffing through my 'veree personal' stuff and dont try and ask Mayowa either!!!I love you Nike, honest, I do!!!

PS- its just that bad news makes me mushy, I have read about a Policeman who died trying to detonate a bomb and a 5 year old caught in the middle of a bad marriage, beaten to death by her father in Nigeria and it just makes me sooo sad!