LETTER TO MY ADOPTED DAUGHTER

Dear daughter,

How are you today? I thought of you all the way to work today. I thought of how excited you would be if you knew I would write you today. I know how much you love to read what I write, sometimes looking over my shoulder as I do. You seem to think I write well and that I am a good role model for you. I think loving eyes can never see as Michael Bolton sings. 

Anyway, I was excited to hear you talk about a boyfriend the last time we spoke. We are already talking boyfriends, next, you 'll have me on the plane to come care for little ones! Not a hint or anything, just my overactive imagination doing a fast-forward into your future.

I am worried that you may be unaware of what relationships are about, even though I trust your good judgement, so, I thought I'd talk to you about them. I hope yours will be an improvement on the beautiful one I have enjoyed with my husband and even though its been great, relationships differ but I still want to share some of what I have learnt from relating with him with you, to help you as you place your feet on the 'relationship ladder'. 

Its a good idea to be friends with guys, generally. I have had guys as friends for most all of my life and with the majority, the lines between friendship and romance have never blurred. This I believe is becos having guys as friends removes some of your inhibitions with the opposite sex generally so not every guy is a potential boyfriend for me. So, if you can, start every relationship as friends and decide for yourself whether you want to take it further from there. If you dont, be gentle. Guys take that kind of thing to heart if you are harsh and may never forgive you. And that's the fastest way to lose a good friend. 

For the one you do decide to cross the romance lines with, be very sure. Dont let yourself be railroaded into that decision because the consequences for you are totally different from his. If it ends badly, he will walk away easily but you will hurt like no man's business so more than validating him, it should be about you seeing potential of a future rather than just wanting to be kind to a friend.

You know my stand on pre-marital sex, it makes your life difficult in ways you dont want to imagine. Dont do it! In this instance, ignorance IS bliss! If you must (and you only think you do!), protect yourself from everything you can protect yourself from; sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy, and if you can (dunno how so dont look this way!), a broken heart and a truncated destiny. Yes, because, they all come as a single package is why I am saying. 

Its just best to leave well alone is my reasoning with this. And never assume you can stop when you want. The train of emotions is a trillion tonne train that packs quite a punch. It hits you out of nowhere it seems and runs away with you such that a recovery is very near impossible. You may think you only want to know but you will do much more than know by the time it is over.

When you are going to make the decision about THE ONE to marry, let me tell you one truth, cos many wont, its not ALL about love! Love is primary but there's other stuff you must do well to make sure are on there too or else, my dear, please walk slowly away! I trust I have instilled in you  love, self respect and dignity that makes a woman have an identity. I have also watched you build yourself up by going to school to earn a degree, learning to cook and keep house like you should. These are skill sets you need to keep a home, now dont shortchange yourself by not asking the person you wish to be in charge of your future to display his skill set. No, please dont do that!

Ask for his skill set over and over again till you are very sure he has a semblance of what he will need to go in the direction you wish your life to take. Reason is, no one else will be able to live your life with and for you and I trust you know how to listen for the voice in you. My dear, I dont want to sound ominous or anything, just want you to understand that you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and handing over your dreams to another may require more than you have read in all those romance novels!

My relationship rules are simple, I hope you find them useful and may even add to them with hindsight. 1.Friendship is foundational 2. Kindness is mandatory 3. What our relationship is called is my choice, if I am in it. 4. Faithfulness is a given, so trust is a gift. 5. I am responsible for my happiness, I choose to free my partner from that huge burden. 6. I can show what I am bringing into this that will enhance my value to you but you have to show me what you are bringing also.7. This is for the long haul, except you show me it isnt, then it will be hello to goodbye!