#OCCUPYNIGERIA..........DREAM?

Once upon a long long time ago, before anyone in Nigeria knew the correct spelling of the word subsidy, in a place on the surface of the earth, Aunty Ngor woke up to the news that soon, the WB presidency would be up for grabs. She decided the time had come to play hardball, 'being omoodo to all these people who lack intelligence is not what I want to spend my life doing' she thought and so she entered her office that morning, screeching for her squad of goons & geeks to attend an emergency meet. Looking at them, she made a pitch, asking for suggestions as to who should make a play for WB Prez. Sensing an opportunity, the chief geek pips, 'You, Madam, you are most suitably qualified and the time is now'. She sees this as a sign and decides to put Operation 'Be de Boss' into play. 

She knows how things roll in Nigeria, (afterall, she fetched water!) so she calls Baba first. He is not amused, he feels she deserted him when he needed her for his '3rd time around' but she consoles him and promises that she can do better things for him now. All she asks is a favor, get GEJ to send for her. He asks what is in it for him and she promises that the West will be made to understand how much of an 'African elder statesman' he is. He negotiates for something more, saying, 'shey statesman ni mo ma je ni?' She promises money, the likes of which he has not seen since the deal to forgive Nigeria's debt was brokered. He guffaws but asks that she should not bring him into this matter because ha has a bad feeling about it. She replies that she understands and he can be rest assured, she  is being circumspect, she even called him on the phone that she only uses to keep in touch with Barack. They exchange pleasantries, Baba assures her that GEJ is his son, no, his rat, he will do as he says.

Somewhere on the Mediterranean, a young Marine monitoring the airwaves picks up a transmission that mentions Barack, and calls it in, a high level intel officer enters the White House and approaches Barack, letting him know that the satelite code-named Ngor Bebe was active tonight and the transcript of the conversation was available for his scrutiny. He asks him to leave it on the coffee table, he had pressing matters to deal with, he would pick it on his way to the restroom, it should make interesting reading in there. He asks if there is any thing to be worried about and the intel officer laughs, 'With Ngor Bebe, sir? Not likely, we know and are used to her antics, she cant surprise us at all, but this new one is very interesting! Be prepared to be amused! Barack shakes his head and hisses, turning back to watching tv.

Baba calls GEJ, tells him how good and useful Aunty Ngor was to him when he was head and assures him that if he needs any financial advice, the person to call is her. After the call, GEJ, (never haven had an original thought in his life), ponders on why Baba would call to tell him this, it must mean there is something Aunty Ngor knows that he needs to find out. Feeling very smart to have figured out so much by himself, he sends for Aunty Ngor who makes the appropriate noises about being busy doing a great work and could Mr Prez be specific about his needs and the time-frame in which he needed her services becos if she leaves the WB, it may disintegrate before she returns to salvage it again (one of her delusions at the time). GEJ is non-committal (as usual) but insists he needs her advice. Aunty Ngor is ecstatic! She jumps for joy and is on the next plane to Obodo Naija. 

Upon her arrival, GEJ assembles all his 'financial' people to sit at her feet and learn. Aunty Ngor makes it a point to berate all the financial people for making a mess of the 'good job' she started under Baba. By the time they go for coffee break, all the financial people are drooling and need help picking their lips from off the floor. During said break, SLS pulls Aunty Ngor aside and asks what she thinks she is doing. She snaps at him, 'Not here!You know say na we we, just let's finish here first!'The meeting ends with GEJ directing everyone to report to Aunty Ngor on everything except South South matters, those he wanted to handle personally. So essentially, the reins of Nigeria were now in Aunty Ngor's hands, it had been too easy, like taking candy out of a sleeping child's hands. She could already see the door plate and name tags, WB Prez, might as well remove the B sef!

Aunty Ngor meets with SLS who has about the same size ego as she if not the same delusions. His are grander and everyday he spends as Manager inflates this ego further. Its almost as if the bank he manages is his wallet. SMH! After a meeting, the plan is perfected! Promises are made, impossible promises that they both know are unrealistic but delusions are least kind to those who have them. Before anyone could say 'subsidy'! GEJ had been made to think the decision to remove fuel subsidy was his idea and he had even given a moving (Only chairs moved oh!) speech on how he would rather leave Nigeria with a better financial status than continue to allow the people go down the path of destruction by paying a fair price for fuel.....my words, not his.

This must be a dream, this cant be what went down with The fuel subsidygate which has now become the WBPrezgate and I daresay its still just unfolding before our very eyes...to be continued!