Real Relationships...

I remember her vaguely, she had attended my church fo a short period and during that time, I had been drawn towards her because I sensed a need and hoped I could meet it. I learnt she was married, but never got details of what happened to the husband. She stayed a while and then decided to move to Lagos and then I never heard from her again. I still think about her, worrying, wondering how she is getting on. Maybe I will call her and maybe I wont.

I met her on one of those days when we were preparing to move or maybe we had just moved, I forget. I had a need to have a brand new gas cooker cleaned and went to enquire and she was pretty rude but instead of feeling insulted, my heart went out to her, I sensed pain beneath her rudeness and I found out later that I had been right. We became friends and I hoped to encourage her to pursue her dreams of an education despite the fact that her parents had passed and her brother was trying to cater for her and other siblings. I gave very little money towards an exam and felt shame because my heart said it would not be used appropriately. She sent me a text about how she took the exam and did not make the grade. I still feel shame because my heart says she did not take the exam. I wonder how she is doing and this same heart fears she is a prime target for abuse, her need and anger make her vulnerable.

I remember him vaguely, from my child hood. He worked with me for my father on his farm and was a hard worker. He seemed to have no family and missed no-one and I wondered how a child could be like that. He consumed eba in huge quantities and we wrestled many times because I wanted to prove him wrong that eating eba makes you strong. Needless to say, he always won and I developed a fondness for eba. I can face ANYTHING after a meal of eba. I sometimes wonder where he could be, and how he fared without parents.

I wonder at how fate threw us together, a financial relationship that should never have happened except that it did. I do not think I will ever forget but trusting a person on the basis of how they look and allowing them walk out of a bank with a substantial sum of money on the strength of a phone number was not a smart banking practice. I most definitely would never hire him because he trusts his gut feeling more than he should. I remember him with fondness and wonder how he is doing, grateful for trust that I did not betray, have never betrayed.

I received his views with the wide-eyed innocence of a newbie and it helped to strengthen my hope and confidence and opened up my heart to his friendship. I had not recently experienced such frankness and forthrightness and so was highly refreshed. I enjoyed and reveled in the attention and imagined it to be the beginning of an enduring friendship. I am thankful, whatever happens, I have been very blessed.

I only usually ever find male birthday mates and so the prospect of a female one filled me with such joy. Finding her and loving her has been a real pleasure. Its like looking in the mirror and seeing me and still liking what I see. I am amazed at how similar and how real. I worry that she will overdo and make me hurt by watching her in pain. I am hopeful she wont, being sensible as she is. I am filled with awe at this relationship and thankful for it on too many levels.

I rediscovered writing and him at about the same time. I would read his articles and think of how profound and true his views were to me and then I found him friendly and it seemed I had died and gone to heaven. The extras worried me in the sense that they were a distraction I felt we could ill afford. I understand a little better and kind affection will not let me be. I am deeply thankful as I walk backwards so that I may walk forwards again.

Real people who make up my world, true people who have real significance for me. Not the limit of my relationships but the ones I choose to speak about today. I am mellow because I am glad they exist for me. Whatever relationships you have, be sure to know the rich reasons for them, that is how to benefit maximally from them, but then, what do I really know about relationships?