Beauty Products

Two ladies inspired this, you know who you are!

I am starting a company that will manufacture beauty products and being the forward looking individual I am, I want to start with the advertising and I developed this concept of advertisement and would like feedback on its appeal to the populace. Kindly read and leave me a feed back. You will be helping a young (?) struggling (?@) business lady (oh Yeah!). You know, this is how Bill Gates started oh! Thanks in advance!

Products of this company are daily needs, required by everyone! In the Nigeria of well over 160million people, our goal is to ensure that at least 50% of that number will wake up and reach for our product in one form or another and they will be satisfied when they have used this product. We will focus in the first year on 50% of the Nigerian market and will go from there till we are a name on every lip, body and mind of every single individual in the world.

The hair is the woman's glory and in this day of the Brazilian weave, many women have little use for their own natural hair and so we want to focus on helping your natural hair. If African, you know how difficult taking care of your natural hair is. Our advice is that you use our product to keep your natural hair well hidden so that when Brazilian wig goes out of fashion, you will have something to fall back on. We are on your side, truly!

For the men, we see many of you today and cant distinguish between you and the women, what with your braids and boobs (@##$@@#!!!). We understand how women may have made you feel, enjoying all that gossip time when they go to do their hair and so you wanted in on the action and so did what was needful to be allowed in to the salons. Kudos! That is what we in this great company of ours call 'Affirmative Action!' (AA). Never mind that it can also mean Alcoholics Anonymous or Asinine Asses. We are on your side!

The complexion of the African & Nigerian in particular, is warm, rich and even though the colors range from burnt black, through chocolate, to cafe au lait (warisdat?!) and even oyibo, we have noted from research (we are an R & D company!) that some new variants of colors have begun to emerge, much like emerging diseases. They range from greenish black, yellowish green, blueish brown, orange and even some hues that one needs a colour wheel of like trillion colours to name and we in this company have the very thing that will help keep all of these colours the way they are and even if you wish them to degenerate further, our products can do that also!

Next in our range of products is our piece de resistance. It is what this company was birthed for, our very vision. It is however sensitive to discuss and I must ask every one who is easily offended, eating or irreligious(?%!$#@) to step back.....you have been warned!!!

We received complaints from some men about how some women make the act that enhances the ACT for some men very difficult, they say its no fault of these women, maybe God just wanted to deny them the pleasures of this experience but we know God is a loving God. We therefore subjected ourselves to some of the most indepth research ever carried out on this subject and came up with this product. 

We are so proud of this product, we offer a 100% money back gaurantee to anyone who uses it and is dissatisfied! Yes! Yorubas say 'ti ogun eni ba da ni loju, a ma fi  ngba ori'! Google is your friend! Yes! Google in Yoruba exists!

Anyway, this product is for some sensitive bits that women have, it is a lubricant jelly that helps with the lubrication of the area, (if you dont know, you should have taken my advice about not reading!) it is so versatile, we have it in very many variants. We have the original which is the one we are offering free samples of, but due to the requests that inundated our web browser, we have quickly developed these other variants. 

There is the strawberry flavored one for those whose partners are partial to strawberries, however, we have been unable to make it compatible to other fruit, so we are only able to offer strawberry flavor at this time. Unfortunately, we have had to discontinue the mint flavor, it caused some problems where the women were making sounds that the men misunderstood for enjoyment and our legal department had to do overtime. We are truly sorry. 

We have the warm-up variant that increases in temperature as the action progresses, we are sorry, we cant help those stone cold creatures that you have been requesting even higher temperatures for. We also have our star variant which is the suya flavored variety. This is to enhance our Nigerian-ness, as we are a 100% Naija company and wish to be known as such worldwide. We are currently testing this on some very willing subjects at an undisclosed location. We will publish the results very soon.

Other products from this company include the nail polish for the insanely fashionable, colours exceed those of any colour wheel ANYWHERE! That is our record, please refer to the Guinness Book of World Records to verify. We s*** you not. We are in the section titled Greatest Fables of ALL time!

We did not dare introduce our oral hygiene products here, we understand that not everyone understands the need or use of teeth and some have patented its use as a weapon of ending discussions. We regret to inform all who do need help with this aspect of hygiene and have used our rival company's products for some time to desist as they will not be able to help you. We are a Research & Development Company, we will not say more than that at this time.

I, on behalf of the board of this young fledgeling company that has carried out business for this short period of time, thank you for your time and support. We are always looking for feedback on ALL our products but we do know you already knew that. 

Disclaimer: I am fine, really!