A DIRGE

I have had 2 friends that went on ahead of me. The ratio of male to female is one to one. They both died as a result of ill health. I was not there when they passed and somehow it helped me deal with their passing. I remember them today because am spring cleaning my emotional baggage. 

Ayoola made me many promises and made me cry too many times after he died. I remember getting in the bathroom the day after I was told he had passed & talking to him. I attempted to poke fun at him for seeing me naked for the first time. He was such a prude and my favourite thing was teasing him, asking him questions that I knew he would never answer because he considered those things bad. You have to know Ayoola to get that. He was gentle, very kind and very very shy. He was my introduction to authenticity as a christian. He was also a Daddy's boy. Nike F and I used to make fun of him becos even though when we were in Uni, his dad used to come and see him every Sunday evening with a pot of stew from his mum, at least that was what he told us. We found it comical that he would even divulge such information to us without being self conscious or anything. Most guys at that time would rather be dragged on live coals than admit they got visits from any family member talk more of getting food from home! Then when he and Nike hooked up, I especially made such fun of him, we became even better friends. We were at a parlour party and they danced and the music stopped & they did not stop dancing. They apparently made music of their own  and were oblivious to our presence. That was just too cute for me. Of course, I could not imagine them being romantically involved but they did go out for a bit and by her admission, he was the perfect bf, never angry and always apologizing for any perceived wrong. I could see how my friend would be bored to death by that. They parted amicably & he always spoke glowingly of her. That's the kind of guy Ayoola was. He was killed purportedly by a bad shawarma. Weeks before his graduation ceremony, we gathered to bury him. How crazy is that?   We talked about getting married and how it would be apt that he proposed the toast. It was at his house I met my husband and he it was who introduced us. Ayoola died and could not do any of all he promised. He promised we would be friends for life, he promised he would be there at the naming of every child. He promised he would do the electrical wiring of my house, he could not, he died.

Adunola became my friend surreptitiously. We both hung out with our guys who liked to hang out together and so we spent a lot of time together. We became friends and the kind who had no need to BS each other. We just told each other the truth whether we wanted to hear it or not. I still remember some things we got up to as newly married women who had not become pregnant. We trudged some places and did some stuff no woman should ever have to do, but we were desperate. Then when the girls were born, my heart ached for her so much but she hid her pain well, too well. She never said what she was going through, never gave me an inkling! Because I cared, we eventually had a blowout! We were both mad that she was going through this but me more than her because I could not feel the pain she was feeling and did not understand and was very frustrated. When I fell ill, I entrusted my precious cargoes to her, it was natural and Mb who was only four months old then, still asks about her second Mummy. At first, that was hard for me, but when she became ill, it became something I was grateful for. She became ill  and deteriorated pretty quickly. @#$^^@$$@#$%@^&@^$@$# All that means is that there are still parts of it that I dont understand and wish I could re-play. I know, I will understand it when we get to heaven. I know, still it does not mean I have to like it. I went to see her just before we went on summer holidays to London that year and as I went into her room, the Holy Spirit said, 'say your goodbyes'. I bent over in pain and she thought I was being melodramatic as I try to be so we can laugh through our tears. I sat beside her, I kissed her and we both started to cry. We both knew it was goodbye, such was our connection. When I called the children in, I could not bear to watch. Even now, still so painful for words. When I left, I took the kids to London and went onto Canada. Alone in Edmonton, I waited for news. I was still wrestling with Big G and talking till I was blue in the face when ever He approached me saying to let my pain go. I was angry, very angry but I know He is just, even though life is sometimes unfair. Who decides who gets what hand in life? As soon as my phone rang & my husband said hello, I asked if she had passed & he said yes. I hung up and had a good cry. I wanted to go back home but my husband's clear thinking stopped me.

Who decides that a young vibrant bachelor makes one bad food choice and pays with life? Who decides that a young vivacious woman who marries as a virgin and tries to have children should not? I am going to have a word with that angel who carried out those duties when we get to heaven. He is reportedly blind and I will have him get prescription glasses or have Jesus do something about his eyes! Going around picking on my friends like I have too many!KMT! 

There! I needed to do this and its done. Just did not want to do one more blogpost till I had spoken about these my friends. The ones whom death make very glamorous for me, even more than when they were alive. This is a dirge, I will speak of our happier times at another time. I do not think sharing the stories of our adventures should precede paying them some respect. 

Ayoola, Adunola, continue to rest well, till we meet to part no more...........