My Love for Nigeria

Wondering at your ability to make me so happy and so sad. Lately, nothing has made me happy with you. Its always hard when the object of your love is unable to understand. I wish you knew how I felt and could respond how I want. I wish you could look deep in my eyes and see the need for you that I have.

When I fell for you, I was young, innocent and I fell hard. You had done nothing to warrant my love or deserve it and that's how I know it was love, true love. I tried everything and made every excuse. Loving eyes truly dont see.

Now, am hurting because I refused to listen to my mind and let my heart lead me. How did I forget the heart is not so smart? How could I have been so blind to not see all the signs that you were unworthy? How?

Now, you are disintegrating before my eyes and I have no power to stop it. I feel like I am responsible in some way because I am not in charge somehow. Maybe if I was President or National Security Adviser or even maybe just the Senate President. Maybe I could have made a difference.

Looks like its late now though. This is war because this is what war is. Or is it not in war that bombs go off every day? That people are scared to go into certain buildings because they are susceptible to bombings? That body counts happen on a daily basis? That gory sights fill the airwaves?

Like I dont have enough to worry about. I come awake and with trepidation, approach you and find something new is wrong. Something else that no-one knows how to fix. From hatred to economic mismanagement. From cloak and dagger tales to self acclaimed big men. From joblessness to shameless rulers.

I want to look at you with love but my heart is tired. I want to sing of our relationship but fear grips my heart with cold fingers. I trust enough to know that what I want can happen but I despair that it may take too much and too long. I am sympathetic to Andrew today. Always have been but know his choice isnt mine.

Wondering at your ability to make me so happy and so sad. M & M on my mind.