TOILET DISEASE

There is no such thing as 'toilet disease'! I have heard 2 medical practitioners say so and I am in agreement, not because I have the facts from reading up about this to know, but because I know germs. A veterinary education takes you up close and personal with germs, be they bacteria, viruses, fungi or those classless ones, I forget their name (as usual).

However, only someone who has never been in a toilet outside a home in Nigeria (some in homes are.......can't be rude tonight!) will doubt that any manner of diseases can be caught in a toilet. I believe this is where the phrase 'toilet disease' originated from. If sexually transmitted diseases are those diseases one catches if one engages in sexual activities, then it stands to reason that any disease caught from using a toilet (albeit, unclean) should be christened toilet disease!

Toilets, loos, bathrooms, johns, commodes, same difference! That contraption that takes human wastes and hides it by pushing it into a specially created receptacle for it, that's a toilet. We all know its filled with germs except its kept clean and even then! It may stink to high heavens except another thing is done about the smell (ignore those funny posers who claim their visit there smells like Chanel No. 5!). Shit smells and badly too! But only cos germs are busy at work on and in it.

Why this fixation with toilets and its contents? I was in a Hall Management Meeting and heard that some girls who share a toilet had all developed toilet disease and wanted their toilets better cleaned and I just smiled. Assuming that you will not catch something from a toilet because it has been cleaned is like assuming your teeth will not rot if you like chewy sweets and go to bed every night with all that gooey gummy stuff in your mouth, a pipe dream!

So, I started to tell these young girls some of what I had learned from being a germophobic non-user-of-toilets-outside my home.Yes! That was me I just described! Much like a friend confessed to us needlessly some time back on social media (TMI!), my best thinking used to be done there before I learnt to drive, now, its while driving but I still love MY toilet and if not seriously hard pressed, will use no other, no matter what! It doesn't help that I have seen some evil things that can occur down below if you are not scrupulously clean and so will not tempt fate. So here is what I will be telling our young girls to protect them from this non-existent 'toilet disease'.

Assume ALL toilets are dirty, contaminated disease ridden receptacles! Approach them with the highest level of suspicion and disdain, even if sparkling with stars, wrinkle your nose! That way you will be better able to prepare that receptacle for contact with your body. And never forget, any  toilet's sole purpose in life is to bequeath a disease to you one way or another so being prepared is EVERYTHING!

Always go into a strange toilet (i.e., not in your home/ in a trusted friend's home) armed with the weapons of warfare; a roll or more of tissue, sanitizers and wipes that have been impregnated with disinfectants, water, if there is no water flowing there and other stuff your germophobic minds can conjure! Your female bits will thank you for it!

And about female bits, its shocking how many women are lackadaisical about explaining the proper  cleaning of private parts to their girl children! The number of females who are unaware of this simple hygiene issue is unbelievable! When cleaning up or washing the female genitals, it is vitally important to systematically wipe each end but if you do a back-to-front wipe, that is similar to dumping used toilet material in your privates, it will not be long before an infection sets in, yes! 

Toilet disease but not the toilet's fault. Only your break in personal hygiene is the cause!

Cleaning up and washing up for females is a 2 part operation. Its a front to back for wiping and washing the front first and then the back!

Personal hygiene should be taken personally! For young girls, sitting on toilets outside the home should be discouraged as much as possible! Touching strange toilet seats is another very scary thing for me. My overactive mind imagines those germs marching in bands all the way up my arms and waiting for the next time I go to the toilet to rush down and invade my sensitive bits! Shivers!

Please while no medical condition known as Toilet Disease exists (what do these doctors know?), there are quite a number of things one can pick up from a dirty toilet (and seemingly clean ones) which will lead to an infection of the female sensitive bits.  Good news though is that most all of them can be prevented by being cautious and taking extra care when using the toilet.

Water splashing from the toilet on one's privates is another personal nightmare of mine. Once it happens, jettison tissue, look for and use water to wash up. Its an emergency! Try and recall, that water that's sitting in your toilet is connected to your s**t-tank which is interconnected on some level with all the s**t-tanks in the world and that represents a mind-boggling number of germs! Gazillion does not begin to describe it!

So, essentially, Toilet disease is that phantom infection that occurs (usually in one's privates! and is not sexually related!) when there's a break in your personal hygiene when you use the toilet! It thus should not be called Toilet disease but Hygiene (or lack thereof) Disease!