BLOGGING AND ME…….

I blog, maybe not as often as I would like and I blame my lack of several tools, the first being language. I have looked at my blog stats and know that readership is cosmopolitan and so I try to do the right thing and not lose those who read me who are not Nigerian or do not live here.

Let’s start from the simple premise that I do not speak English language well for the simple reason that I am so in love with all of the languages I know. There’s English Language that I flirt with, there’s Yoruba that I think in and there’s Pidgin English (the Nigerian version) that I absolutely and totally love and use as much as opportunity permits. 

The next challenge with this blogging experience is internet availability in Nigeria (don’t want to bring on a headache, that’s all I’m saying about that!).

Next is, the devices I use. I have blogged from my laptop mainly in recent times because finding wi-fi for my Kindle can be tedious and sharing the internet on my phone slows it down considerably. The lack of a phone I like also limits my ability to do some 'spur of the moment' posts. Like when I am in meetings, I sometimes compose blog-posts in my head for the simple reason that most of these meetings are sources of hilarity for very long periods. I observe people a lot and the things I catch that were not meant for my primary consumption are just out of this world.

I need to stop here and rant about BFF. I easily remember meetings we both were in and we are sending texts back & forth and trying to laugh only at the appropriate things being said and at some point, abandoning all pretense at being serious minded about anything.

Or when me, with my over-fertile and over-wild imagination and descriptives say something to her and she looks incredulous and just can’t stop wondering how I made it up. 

I remember a meeting we were in that this guy showed up wearing a cream satin top that looked like the top of one of my satin pyjamas. Unfortunately, she had recruited me to the meeting for some serious business. Needless to say, the chairman of said meeting had to call us to order several times. Fun times and end of rant.

Anyway, what I was saying is that I do not have a phone that allows me blog as at when I want to. I would love to be able to write a story on the spur of the moment as I have seen my friend do. You know, get in a bad argument with a rude person on Twitter and make it the subject of an immediate blog-post or have an orgasmic meal and before it is over (in the moment) write about the rich assault on your senses and palate. All those fun things. But I can’t cos I don’t have the device (read, phone) that will motivate me to do it.

I have phones, don’t get me wrong. There is the Blackberry that I got at Valentines’ to pair with hubby’s so as to be able to communicate better (and thankful for said communication). It’s a Curve ‘something’ I have no idea what. I do not deal in specifics like that. Also, there is the Techno that I got from my friend after my phone (THE phone) slipped out of my hand for the umpteenth time, landed with that sound that I try to forget now and broke. The Techno is basic, adequate but sadly not me.

THE phone was me. HTC something (did I mention I don’t deal in specifics?). Perfection for me. It fit in my hand like it had been sculpted for my particular hand size. That being a very mean feat, because I exasperate everyone (read, theater staff) trying to find the right glove size when I have to do surgery so you can imagine. Anyway, I have tried everything and then some to resurrect said phone but it stays dead, even though it resurrected for a couple of days to tease me with its brilliance not too long ago but it again developed issues with its charging point which necessitated me querying my sanity when I spent almost an hour holding down this phone to get some charge into it (laugh, I really did!).

The final and major challenge to blogging is such that I cannot name it. It is complex and bizarre and it just does not have a name. It is also hydra headed. Part of it is the inability of people to understand that I blog for my sanity. I don’t do this for you; it is why I sometimes will go for long periods without writing at all. I appreciate that you read, not that I don’t, I even enjoy when you leave comments that tell me how it made you feel or how boring I am or those ones who will ask me to look up a cooking tip after I have written about something totally unconnected (aka spam) and always shocks me when people I truly think are awesome writers read and give me feedback.

Another part of this final reason why I don’t blog as often is my propensity to be misunderstood. I have this ability like rice has white. Sadly, I have no understanding for the reason. Then there’s the dwindling ability to read and comprehend among educated folk. It’s why I sparingly write satirically. If when I write plainly I am misunderstood, that is just asking for a stoning.

Google says:

Blogging is an interactive form of publishing content on the web. It comes from the term "web log."