My dear 419er....

My dear 419er, 

I was amused to read from you on the morning of the 4^th day of June, the year of our Lord 2015. I wondered why Dr Eyarefe would send me an e-mail using his spouse’s e-mail address. You had asked me to respond as soon as I got yours and being my very obedient self, I had.

At this time, I was unsure that it was you and gave you the benefit of the doubt but I am Nigerian & Naijan, we are a deeply suspicious people and sadly for you, I am Ijebu, we really have a bad reputation with money and I was not about to fall prey if it was you, my dear. 

So, I did what a suspicious Nigerian usually would do. I called up Dr Eyarefe. He picked up and we chatted about inanities for a bit. Then I asked why he sent me an e-mail with his wife’s e-mail and he responded that it was you. I rubbed my hands with glee! Here was an opportunity for some fun! You were about to l(earn) some lessons.

Your response after I responded to your first e-mail was to intimate me with how you were stranded in Ukraine and needed $1150. I was practically ROTF by this time. You wanted me to let you know if I could send it to you so you could ‘instruct’ me on how to send it.

Your instructions further clarified that you felt I was overseas cos you asked me to transfer it to you, using the right name and an address I didn’t even believe you could have made up but I have never been to Ukraine so….through Western Union. You had used this on someone else cos his experience was what popped up when I Googled the address you sent me... 12 Romen Rollan, Kharkov

I asked you to find out if Western Union does outgoings from Nigeria and you were able to get back to me not too long thereafter that they don’t. You did not mind that I left you pointers about the illegitimacy of what you were doing, no! Your addled brain only saw the money. At this time, you reviewed my instructions to pay into your friend’s account at Access Bank.

Following this, I dithered by asking if it may not be better to send you dollars from a US account. You insisted that I should pay into your friend’s account and assured me she would get the money sent to you via Western Union even though she also is supposedly in Nigeria.

I again asked you to find out how much $1150 was in Naira and you got back to me and this time telling me how you ‘owe’ me a lot. SMH!!!

Since then, you have sent me e-mails wanting to know when I have sent the money. 

I thought long and hard about this before deciding I would tell you to please stop this! You are probably young and have a brain but instead of finding legitimate ways of making money, you have chosen this route. It can only lead to a dark life of regrets. I wondered if there was a way of reporting this and I have not found but once I do, I will report this. This is just wrong!

It was amusing for maybe 2 seconds and then I just was not amused anymore.

I am sorry, there will be no $$$$, not even naira….because Tola Eyarefe is nowhere near Ukraine and if you had half the smarts you think you do, you would know she would not ask me for money. I have maybe said 5 words to her in my life. Yes, I work with her spouse but she has my e-mail for any number of reasons. I noticed that after the first few e-mails (I suspect she changed her password) you changed to tollamega@outlook.com. 

Please my dear (419er), find honest work and stop robbing people of their hard-earned money. This (advice) here is all the money I am willing or able to give you. Not sure if you are here in Nigeria or in Ghana, but wherever you are, may the long arm of the law reach you swiftly in Jesus name! Amen!!!

Signed, the one that got away!