Policing your teenage child on Social Media

I have two daughters. 

One has almost zero interest in social media while the other is chomping at the bit to be unleashed onto it. 

Social media won’t know what hit it when she finally has permission to use it. 

She has begged and begged and I have refused to give permission because I know how she can be. She used to slam doors as a child when she was mad at something. And she tears up when she doesn’t get her way but my way with her is to mostly ignore her until she calms down after which we can have a discussion. After the discussion, she may agree or disagree with my point of view but she is not allowed to walk away without letting me know where she stands.

She is very like me. 

That, in essence is why I have limited her social media use till now. 

I said she could start using Instagram when she turns 13 and maybe Facebook too. 

She has overcome great challenges but I don’t know if I am ready for what she can be on social media. 

As is, I have access to both their phones and regularly withdraw them to teach them one thing or the other.  I am willing and able to discipline but social media is another thing altogether.

I worry they will be too expressive especially when angry and may say stuff they may not be able to retract. Knowing how they have a parent who stalks and pretends not to use social media, I want to help them to prepare for erratic and irrational behavior cos someone saw a post and is reacting in a roundabout fashion to it. 

So help me God.

So, my tips for social media policing for parents are as follows....Kindly note that these will work mostly with young teenagers. If your child is a young adult, you may need other tactics to deal with their social media use;

Whatever social media app your child has permission to use, get on it! 

You don’t necessarily have to be friends or follow your child, but be on there so if you need to do a hot reset, it can be done quickly and efficiently, and by hot reset, I mean, screenshot and message with a threat!

If your child is not ready, don’t give permission. 

If my older child wanted Facebook, I would have allowed her but she isn’t interested but the younger wants it but I know she isn’t ready. 

Be the judge. Go ahead and make a pronouncement and ensure it is followed.

Regularly check social media sites for your child. I remember my shock upon finding that my daughter had two instagram pages. (I do too!) 

But I did not think she did and her explanation kinda made sense but because she hadn’t told me about it, I made her shut one down. 

For this, you will also need to know all the names  (and nicknames) your child goes by.

Try not to sweat the small stuff. There are things that are not wrong she will do that you may not agree with. Kindly waka-pass. Especially if you do not understand what a term is. Don’t put a question on there for her to clarify.

Social media may deliver gems of insight to you about your child. 

Moderate your response. 

Don’t jump down her throat about ‘that’s how you said on Facebook that you like ……..’ That will mark the end of everything you could learn about your child that she was unable to say to you. 

Plus, it may earn you a well-deserved block, rightly so, too! It is wise to be willing to process what you find online about your child. 

Count to 10 or 100 as the case may require before you do anything.

For some parents, the child comes in contact with some of their colourful posts and may demand an explanation. Don’t go all ‘African parent’ on her. Do explain as much as you can and try not to justify too much as that will come off as patronizing. 

The child has a brain and if old enough to use social media, can make a good call as to justification. Don’t try too hard. Trust your child's smarts also. 

Try not to be the one who embarrasses a child you are policing. Except as punishment, and only as a last resort. Following this, deactivation is recommended.

Happy policing!