Because I'm Happy

It started with a friend who saw a picture I posted and sent me an inbox message, ‘Happiness is evident on you’ and I responded that indeed I was and most assuredly I am.

Happy that my life is however I want it to be now. I am not expectant of humans a lot anymore. I am more expectant of God and while I understand why a number of people can stand in judgment, I am not beholden to them (thankfully) about my circumstance. 

The ladies I owe explanations demand none and wish me the very best so I am able to discountenance any one’s qualms about how my time, and resources are utilized.

I miss writing a lot and I took a break because pretty much everything I wrote had hidden meanings for some (!@#$$$@@#!!!) whereas, I just wrote for my enjoyment and to give my imagination free rein. 

I started to write animal stories albeit ultra-short but they do not satisfy as much. I love stories about humanity or lack thereof. I revel in them. I love to stretch human stories and even though the animal stories are interesting cos of work, the human ones are pretty intense and what I really like to write but cos I feature, some assume all is rooted in reality.

Human emotions intrigue me. The love professed, the sly reference that suggests while flirting on the edge of decorum, the complicit and explicit declarations. There are several connotations to humanity/ humaneness and I quite easily understand how the good book concludes of the desperate wickedness of the human heart.

I have since the last time I wrote a blogpost learnt a whole lot about emotional intelligence and is partly why I am a happier person. I knew before why people are attracted to seemingly unsuitable partners but gave excuses for them but now, I am able to articulate how the cycle can be broken. I was able to recognize and stay away from those who use and abuse friendships but nowadays, I am quite tolerant of people and their clay feet.

I see more with loving eyes and forgive quickly but understand that forgetting may take a lil longer. I am not nor have I ever sought validation from anyone and I am (unlike many around me) intolerant of shoddiness be it in service or in what I demand of myself. 

Rather than pander to silliness, I will smile and walk away. I can’t forgive lying to myself at all cos it saved me before and I am hoping it won’t need to do it again.

I have been told several times to quit denying my ability to write and I need to attempt to make y’all see. People who are writers do so diligently. I merely flirt with writing. On days when words, spoken words, do not accomplish communication, or communication is difficult for any number of reasons, I resort to writing and attempt to navigate outside of my boring existence. My work is anything but. My life on the hand is and sometimes, the highlight is escaping reality to grab at an alternate experience and attempt to drag it into my existence. Not that I mind boring, no! I sometimes need it as a cloak to encourage my escapism. Does that explain it at all?

I am getting ready for retirement by hoarding my stories and looking forward to life, lived at a beachfront house, wearing sheer silks and a straw hat, writing in longhand, my stories and gazing at my secretary who must be a young male specimen that everyone can speculate about how much of his 'secretarial' skills I utilize. I would like to say I court controversy but nothing could be further from the truth. I shy from it and discourage enquiries into my private affairs but I do not discourage those who assume my notoriety for what would that do?

I am writing this so that I can say I am blogging again. Whether I will keep at it remains to be seen. I am reminiscing over 2018 and prepping for 2019. I remember once asking God to enable my babygirl life in 2019. I laugh at how God must have covered His face with His palm at such a preposterous request. What does that even mean?

My next blogpost will talk about that. Sitting and daydreaming about the details of my babygirl life in 2019. Sigh. SMH….

I have to say Happy birthday to my friend, sweetheart and classmate, Hauwa Davies (my roomie)

who is such an epitome of grace. This young lady, has been through such a lot but her smile is one of the sweetest I know and she constantly awes me by how much she gives of herself. She is the official baker to the class, and if she can find a way to transport it, you will get a cake when your birthday comes around courtesy of the class at no cost to the class.

She bakes explicit cakes that can only be described as x-rated. She is a woman of virtue so let me not ruin her Pastor rep here. Sweetie, may your new year be filled with more love, light, joy and especially, life! I love you die!