Faith, mine

I wanted to write about what I believe in and I found it hard because quite a number know me well enough that this sounds like a contradiction.

I hold a deep faith in a God who loves absolutely. There is nothing I can do that will make Him love me less than He already does. There is NO ONE who can convince me I am not loved. This is what my faith is based upon. Cue the hymn, My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness (one of my faves).

I am aware of what wrongdoing is and know exactly what I do wrong but that is a private conversation I do not choose to have with anyone other than the One with whom I have to do. And it is the reason I choose never to sit in judgement over others as I do not ever have the complete story: intents, situations, circumstances, motivations and conversations with their Maker (unless you have all these about anyone's wrongdoing, better you refrain from judging as you may be sincerely wrong!).

My reasons for choices I make are all mine except when I am exposed to superior arguments and then moderate as I see fit because I am aware I do not know it all. I am the first to let you know so you do not begin to tell me about your disappointment when you find out I don't. The reason for this is the fact that I am allowed free choice by the One who loves me.

In relationship with me, I will usually allow people their humanity because I crave the same from others. I want to be allowed the same consideration and so extend the same to others. I sometimes allow my baser nature rule, in anger, in lack of self control, in having a laugh at someone's expense or concluding too quickly about another when I don't have the facts or reason to do so. So, same rules apply when it's you.


My main focus in writing this is the One who loves me. Always, I feel so undeserving. Maybe, it's because I know me well. I know how very morbid and unnice I am in my head. So, I wonder, cos he sees my thoughts afar off, how anyone who has access to all that can still be so loving and kind.

The one attribute that gets me is kindness. He is. And adds loving to it. Makes me feel so loved and so cared for. He wakes me up in night seasons and calls to my remembrance promises He made me and how He will bring them to fulfillment.
How?
Why?
Just because!

It is the justbecauseness (totally a word now!) of this love that awes me. He just decides to do me good and when I even get it in my head to ask for something, He goes over and beyond. Gives me far better than I needed and so it makes sense to wait on Him and take His own. His is always far better than that which I find myself.

The foundation of my faith is this love for God. You who knows may ask why then do I not always do right knowing what I already do but I could ask you how do you know the motivations for what I do? To you, it may appear the wrong thing to do but for me, it may be the lesser evil of things to do.

That love is so rich and so full and so encompassing that I wake up in awe every day even when I am convinced I have seen so much in this life of mine. I wake up to His voice, to His warm embrace and to His leading. It is not every time I respond as I should but He gets me. Knows I am such a stubborn goat and so when He watches while I use my strong head to enter what He asked me to be careful of and I come crying and running back to Him (and I always do that!) He smiles indulgently and lovingly scoops me in His loving arms and kisses the hurt away.

I have known pain, some self-inflicted or from refusal to take heed, plunging headlong when I was told not to! But I am always held together by my love! Always! He is there, with loving eyes letting me know His heart for me.

This is the source of my inner strength. It is what under-girds me and continues to uphold me. If in relating with me, you find me uncaring or somehow, know that I am unable to deal with people who can not be kind. When I find that quality, I retreat and close up. We all have flaws but we all can be kind. And the basic need each of us has is to be seen and when we are seen, we wish to be acknowledged. After which we want others to refrain from labeling us in ways that suggest we demanded more of them than they ask for themselves.

These thoughts kept me up all night and I thought to share them.

For those who matter, read slowly, you may find the clue to what you were asking.
Stay safe! Wash your hands!