My Friend

My daughter just came into my room crying and needing comfort. 

I asked what was wrong. 

She had a dream where she attended her funeral and was called up to speak and she was so overwhelmed, she burst into tears in her dream and woke up crying. 

I comfort her as much as I can holding her in my arms and I feel so grateful for the memories and the feelings they evoke in my child. 

I woke up yesterday determined to visit a friend, my 80year old friend who I had promised to visit but had not been able to for a week or so. 
On my way there, I put my phone on airplane mode so I could concentrate on the time there and not be distracted by my Scrabble game alerts which are the most frequent distractions on my phone in recent times. 
As usual I drove past the turning and was heading to Bowen University and had to call her to ask for clear directions again. 
She was waiting outside when I got there. 
We spent a long time just chatting about God's goodness and faithfulness while I picked up nuggets of wisdom as always. 
She interspersed our gist with prayers and I felt so loved. 
As I got up to leave, I switched my phone on and saw several missed calls and a flurry of WhatsApp messages but was not about to start reading then. 

The one message that caught my attention was short and to the point. 

Mrs Ajayi-Obe passed.

My immediate reaction was to stop, and then thinking of my friend I was with and not wanting to ruin our visit, I said my goodbyes and left. 

I got in the car and drove away and after making sure I was not in line of sight of my friend's house, I stopped. 
I called the one who texted me and spoke with her. 

I then called her son and mumbled through a badly composed condolence message. 

I drove home and ran an errand that was pending and returned home. 

I had told my older daughter when I came home before the short errand so when I got in, she looked intently at my face and I assured her I was fine. 

I knew she would pass one day, she had lived a full and remarkable life and I was not under any illusion that she would live forever. 

Actually on her birthday this  year, we had gone to the pharmacy off her street to get something and had seen so many cars in front of her house and I had been so worried that my daughter had gone there to find out what was going on. 
It had just been a gathering of people celebrating her day. 
I had heaved a sigh of relief and we had talked about her as we returned home. 

Back to the present. The daughters and I spent the rest of yesterday reminiscing. We had too many memories, all good. She had been a feature in our lives at important points and had left a beautiful imprint on us all. 

I do not now remember my first meeting her because it feels like I have known her all my life. 

But my earliest memories are those of visiting her, usually on Sundays with my daughters and she would pull me aside and ask me why I was doing this or that. I never felt invaded by her queries cos it was easy to see they emanated from a heart of love and she never judged me. She just mostly listened and gave her opinion which hardly were hard to take as they usually were wise and loving.

I remember when her husband passed and I came, she said nothing of what she had just experienced but complimented me on how I was looking. She alone, after my Aunt, made me feel loved unconditionally. She would always compliment my hair that I thought was not great and I remember lying on her bed one time while she touched my hair at the time. 

The girls have so many great memories of lunch at her house on Sunday, of feeding her fish and romping in her farm at her house, all while carrying on a great discourse. 

The older daughter recalls when she got her JAMB score and she was being harangued for not choosing to study Law, we visited her and she broached  the topic and I watched as my child outlined her career goals to her and she interrogated that choice until she looked at me and said, 'this one knows what she wants to do, please leave her be'. I assured her it was not me who had an issue with the young lady's choice. 

I remember while I was working on my PhD, she was the single most effective influence after my Supervisor. She would make me explain what I was working on again and again and encourage me to please do all I could to make it happen and once I told her how it was getting too hard for me and I had even refused to register that year as the monies I was paying was just too much as it seemed never--ending. When we were leaving, she gave the girls an envelope and instructed them to tell me to go and register. In that envelope was more money than I needed to register for the session. I went ahead to register. 

When I moved out of the threatening family situation I had endured for a long time, I avoided her for a while and one day, she called and said to me, 'I am so proud of you and the choice you have made'. She insisted that she needed to visit and immediately drove to my estate and even though I tried hard to dodge, she came to the house but was unable to come upstairs and requested a glass of water and left.

She always made me feel loved and visiting her always re-centered me. In recent times,, I had not gone to see her but it was not a lack of love or affection. We had always had conversations around two men that I hardly related with anymore and I did not want her to have to stress about those. 

I am so very thankful for the rich and robust friendship we shared and I am even more grateful that she matters so much to my child. I feel no sense of loss or pain at her passing even though I will miss her. I feel like someone who has been appropriately raised and has a whole retinue of wisdom granted her such that she lives on in me. I feel blessed to have been under her tutelage and care. 

Rest now, Mummy. We will miss you but we will treasure the memories and remember the lessons.

Morenike, Mobolade and Adenike will forever shine your light to the world.

Adieu, Mrs Phoebe Ajayi-Obe S.A.N. 

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